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agonizing_girl

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(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2011|06:18 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |tiredtired]

so im at work for a double...my last double for a loooong time i used to do a double every weekend and now since im going to be going to school on the weekends i cant work like i did. so no more doubles. but i really am tired and dont feel like being here today. i wanna go home and spend time with jack and erin. instead im stuck here. ugh. only 9 hours left. after today im off til tuesday nite. which that long lil stretch will end soon becuz i will be working mondays now since im not working doubles ne more. well i dont really have too much to say. so ttfn
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2011|01:16 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]

so its official - jack and i are going to emt school :) im so happy he decided to go i really think its a great opportunity for him. and for me too. we start january 21st which is a friday. the school runs from friday to sunday every weekend. we need his moms help to watch erin and things will be tight with money but we'll be ok we'll make it thru. im so excited and eager to start. i think being an emt or paramedic is gonna be awesome! so im at work now blah i wish i was home cuz last nite i was supposed to spend time with jack and i fell asleep. i was so tired from the weekend that i couldnt stay awake. i have off tomorrow nite but we are going to jacks moms house after he gets done work its his moms b day so we are going to go give her her gift. well things are really turning around right now. i just hope its for the better and things go as planned. i cant have ne more setbacks. i want to get on with life and really start living and enjoying life. enough said. ttfn
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(no subject) [Jan. 4th, 2011|03:34 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]

so i signed up to work tonite for over time. what a lovely idea. - not - im so tired. and in the morning i have an appt with the sanford - brown lady to get info on EMT school. i also called ccp today and i have to get my transcripts over to them and attend a meeting next thursday for the nursing program. i was able to do my transcripts online so now i just have to send in my 20$ application fee and go from there. meg said to speak to someone there is literally impossible hopefully i wont have too much trouble at least im hoping not to. i have to make sure someone evaluated my transcripts guess ill call next monday to make sure. besides that things are ok. i survived the weekend so thats good. i need to talk to my scheduler at work to change my schedule becuz i cant do these double shifts ne more its too tiring. once and awhile isnt bad but this is every weekend that i have to do doubles. i wasnt able to get a dentist appt until wednesday at 9. bummer. oh well ill go to my appt tomorrow looking like im a hillbilly. lol. its 330 that means 3 1/2 more hours ugh think im gonna go sit in the other room. ttfn
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(no subject) [Jan. 2nd, 2011|02:02 pm]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |tiredtired]

maybe ill look into EMT school. then become a paramedic then work on the fire department. that could work. hmm so im at work right now and i have an hour left until i get to go home and sleep for 5 hours then its back here again at 11 tonite. yay i really just wanna go home relax with jack and not come in tonite but thats not gonna happen. so last nite i was eating dinner and a filling in my tooth came out :( i wanna cry i look like a nerdy hillbilly. lol as stu from the hangover would say. its terrible. so the cord to my nintendo came im gonna get it from my mom shes gonna bring it in tomorrow. well enough said for now. ttfn
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(no subject) [Jan. 1st, 2011|04:31 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |contentcontent]

well despite the whole "school" thing ive been ok. no self harm since october 14th :) which is a good thing. hopefully i can go awhile without it. its childish to do but yet at the same time it feels so good when im really depressed. but i havent been really depressed in awhile so thats good. me and jack are good. great i should say. its new years and im at work which im kinda bummed about. we have our own place and i cant even be home with jack. blah! but as jack would say its no big deal its just another nite its not like this year was anything to celebrate about. which is so true. it kinda sucked. but i would have loved to get drunk and celebrate moving out and celebrate a new year to fix all the wrong shit that happened in 2010. i cant believe its 2011 and i graduated from high school in 2003 and i have nothing to show for myself. isnt that pathetic? im stuck here at work for a double tonite then another double tomorrow nite and then back again sunday nite. thats 40 hours from friday to sunday. thats DEF pathetic. but hey we need the money so i guess i shouldnt be complaining. i really wanna get engaged but the ring i want is $325 a month for 5 months and we DEF cant afford that right now. which sucks cuz theres just something about being engaged that is reassuring and secure. jack and i will be together for 5 years this coming april. we've had some really rocky moments but in the end we survived and are VERY happy now. we both need better jobs and we need to make more money so we can move into a bigger place next year and also so we can get engaged and save money. if my parents move to lancaster next year like they said they were doing maybe we can move there. thats always an idea in the back of my head. which would be perfect cuz our lease is up january 31st of 2012. my parents wana move by next december which would work out. i duno guess im talking fantasy here. i just wish things were easier and there was no struggling month to month cuz it just plain sucks! and x mas just passed and that was difficult but we made it through. just like we'll make it through this month to month shit. one day things will be easier. just like i say one day i will be a nurse. i dont know when that one day will be but hopefully it will be soon and this year things will be better than last year. thats what i hope for.
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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2010|08:54 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]

so i havent posted in a lil over a month. well i failed school. i failed the nursing program and theres nothing i can do now at bucks. i have a few options im not sure which ones id like to decide on but i can do one of three things :1 go to school for phlebotomy 2 try to go to ccp for their nursing program or 3 take the next semester off loose some weight build some confidence work more hours get caught up on bills and then go back to school in the fall. im torn becuz i have no clue what to do. they all sound like things i want to do. ugh. i havent done ne thing wrong to myself since i failed. havent really even thought about it. its been 2 months now since ive SI guess thats a good thing i havent gone to that aspect of coping. jack has been by my side through it all alone with my aunt but i still feel like a complete failure at my life. im 25 and have nothing to show for but money wasted and no degree. i really wanted to graduate more than ne thing in the world and i couldnt even do that. i was foolish to believe that i could even have the chance to be someone important. i feel like shit about myself....like always....


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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2010|05:02 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]

so i havent done ne thing wrong since october 14th :) thats a good thing. jack and i are good. :) thats a good thing too. halloween was fun we handed out lots of candy didnt have ne left over we carved pumpkins saturday nite well i only did a lil bit jack and erin did most of it. i had worked a double so i was tired when we were doing it. i failed my test that i took friday :( which really sucks. i just want to graduate already and for some reason something is making that extremely difficult. i PRAY i pass cardiac with a decent grade cuz other wise im screwed. i keep throwing up at work at school and at home. i need to go see a dr becuz its getting really old and disgusting and im not even loosing weight. at least if youre throwing up all the time you loose some weight but not me im still a fat heffer. blah. well thats enough for now im off for the next 2 nites yay. ttfn
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(no subject) [Oct. 28th, 2010|10:07 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |weirdweird]

so i have a test tomorrow bright and early 8 am. i hope i do well i just want to pass just with a 70 PLEASE!!!!! so halloween is coming im so excited i got a cute lil shirt thats organge and has a pumpkin on it and a black cat jumping out of it. i also got jack a pair of cross and bones boxers. well enough for now i need some sleep so i can get up and study. ttfn
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(no subject) [Oct. 25th, 2010|12:19 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]

things have been good. 10 days of being a good girl :) i worked ALL weekend which was blah but what can ya do. i havent updated in awhile. last weekend we went to shady brook farm and got pumpkins that we are gonna carve on october 30th so they will be nice to illuminate the nite of halloween. i love halloween. im tired and its early. i hope the nite goes by fast although i have to be back here at work at 230 tomorrow afternoon. my test for endo is friday : /  hope things go good with that. i scored 10 points higher on my neuro test from last semester if i score 10 points higher on my endo test this semester ill be so happy. dont i deserve to be happy? i think so. well thats enough for now. im going to relax while its quiet at work. ttfn
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(no subject) [Oct. 14th, 2010|04:40 am]
agonizing_girl
[Current Mood |happyhappy]

so sunday i called outa work and went to south street with jack it was fun we got 2 different kinds of incense. things have been good. tuesday i went out but as i was getting ready to leave Kat decided to run out of the house and i had to chase after her then when i finally got ahold of her she bit and scratched me so now my hand is all messed up. then today i went to fox subacute for school and did care on trachs which was neat. then i went home and went to sleep. i had work tonite 11- 7 then i have school from 8-2 hopefully we get done early. i need to do the laundry today so im hoping we get done early so i can get some sleep before i gotta do the laundry. then i have to pick jack up from work and then go food shopping. then tomorrow i have school then a drs appt. busy busy. sigh well besides being busy im happy. thats a good thing :) ttfn
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